MOVIEGENJES

BREAKING: Stacker Pentecost to be only SECOND Most Badass Idris Elba performance of 2013

Dust off both of your "best" jokes about which series has overstayed it's welcome by longer. EW is reporting that The Simpsons and The Griffins will (finally?) meet in a 2014 crossover episode (of "Family Guy") titled "Simpsons Guy." ...eh, y'know what? I'm a sucker for a crossover. It'll be like "Cartoon Wars" - except official, andnot sanctimoniously self-righteous.

Thus far the details are scarce (as expected, it sounds like there'll be concurrent Peter/Homer, Marge/Lois, Bart/Stewie, Lisa/Mega storylines,) but since it's technically a "Family Guy" episode one imagines there'll be a lot of glib commentary about Springfield being perpetually stuck in an early-90s vision of early-60s TV sitcoms, and I'll be dissapointed if there isn't a "whoa, that's not cool..."/uncomfortable-silence bit involving Homer strangling Bart... though even better would be seeing McFarlane (via Brian) trade some oldschool lounge-lizard schtick with similarly unstuck-in-time Krusty. I'll settle for Brian getting hammered at Moe's, though.

Okay, I'm starting to get excited. Not TOO excited, mainly because the director is still Gareth Edwards and I really, really, really, REALLY HATED his previous giant-monster movie.

If I can just throw one tiny, futile sliver of advice/request to the filmmakers (or, rather the marketers) on this one: Just fucking show him already. We already did this "show the tail, show the foot, oooooh what does he look like??" thing on the previous movie, and look how that turned out. Besides, the whole point of doing "Godzilla" is that Godzilla is an ICON. Everyone knows what Godzilla looks like - even people who've never actually watched a Godzilla movie. The "hype" shouldn't be about "what does he look like??", it should be about how good you made him look.

Film is due out just under a year from now, apparently some kind of bigger reveal is due at some point during SDCC.

MOVIEBOB BOOK SIGNING ANNOUNCEMENT

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:

I can now confirm that I will be appearing at COMICAZI in Somerville Massachusetts (407 Highland Ave Somerville MA 02144, I believe Davis Square is the closest MBTA stop) to sell and autograph copies of my book "Super Mario Bros. 3 - Brick By Brick" (also still available online in print and ebook formats exclusively through Fangamer.net) from 11am to 2pm ET on Saturday July 27th.

I will also, of course, happily sign any copies that were purchased previously or really anything else you were to bring up (within reason.) The books themselves will cost $8.00 US, supplies are limited.

This will be the first time the book has been available for in-person sales and/or signing since SGC. I'm working on a few other (local) events for similar setups, but this will be the first - plus, Comicazi is a great local business and deserves the attention. Hope to see some of you there!

"The Fifth Estate"

Every Movie Awards Season needs at least one "controversial" current-events film that receives reams of breathless coverage in the political media but that ultimately not even most "engaged" audiences actually bother to go see - regardless of whether or not it's any good.

This year's entry looks to be "The Fifth Estate" (trailer below), with Benedict Cumberbatch as WikiLeaks mouthpiece Julian Assange. Directed by Bill Condon, the film looks to be making a game effort toward balancing an apparent sympathy for WikiLeaks' actions (or at least philosophy) and an acknowledgement that Assange is a pretty sketchy individual. For the record, Assange (currently in and Ecuadorian embassy ducking extradition for sexual-assault charges) has called the film's script "a serious propaganda attack" and "a lie built upon a lie."

"Huh. That's a way more impressive voice-cast than you'd expect for "Call of Duty - Black Ops III: Man, That Harness Thingee In The Elysium Trailer Looks Cool."

In reality, of course, that's the first new poster for "Edge of Tomorrow," which is the crushingly-generic title that replaces the infinitely catchier "All You Need Is Kill" on the eve of it's big SDCC rollout. Based on a Japanese YA novel, the basic premise is either "Groundhog Day" in "Starship Troopers" or "What if you got infinite continues in real life??" Cruise is a future-war soldier (that's presumably him in the suit) who dies in combat but finds himself stuck in a temporal loop - he keeps starting over from the beginning of the fight every time he dies, getting a little more skilled and making a little more progress each time.

Interestingly, Emily Blunt is playing Earth's most-decorated super-soldier; a living-legend that Cruise's character keeps meeting up with and (presumably) trying to measure up to. That's a fun inversion, given Cruise's propensity for playing omnicompetent supermen. We'll presumably find out whether this looks any good when it breaks at Comic-Con.

Big Picture: "The Lone Ranger - What Happened?"

Pretty-much what you'd expect...

The Escapist : The Big Picture : The Lone Ranger: What Happened?

Probably as close as we're going to get...

"Dear Mr. Watterson" - which was just picked up for distribution by Gravitas Ventures - is not, unfortunately, a "Calvin & Hobbes" movie at least in the form many fans have been hoping to see. Instead, it's a documentary about the strip, it's influence on the comics medium (Bill Amend and Berkley Breathed feature prominently) and it's enigmatic creator Bill Watterson. I don't believe they ever got Watterson himself to be interviewed on camera - that would be a pretty big deal, as he's notoriously reclusive and private.

"12 Years A Slave"

As we inch ever closer to Oscar Season, here's the first trailer for "Shame" director Steve McQueen's "Twelve Years A Slave;" which stars Chiwetel Ejiofor as real-life figure Solomon Northup - a born-free black man from New York who, in 1841, was kidnapped and sold into slavery; a condition from which he spent twelve years attempting to free himself. Benedict Cumberbatch and Michael Fassbender are two of Northup's four known owners, while Brad Pitt is one of the good guys. Screenplay comes from John Ridley, story was filmed once before as a TV movie by Gordon Parks.

In the interest of keeping things straight, this would be the "black-themed" early-Fall Oscar Bait movie that doesn't look like embarrassing schlock. If nothing else, good to see Ejiofor finally headlining a big movie.

System Failure

George Zimmerman, found not guilty of the murder of Trayvon Martin. Take it away, Bugs...

Hypothetically speaking... exactly how bad do things in Florida have to get before it can be declared a failed state? Because right now, I would not have one single ethical, moral or even political issue with federal troops being deployed to occupy the damn place on the grounds that it's leaders and citizenry have - by electing a government that ultimately includes this incompetent prosecution and corruption-infected police department - demonstrated themselves dangerously incapable of self-government. I'm aware that this is probably "un-Constitutional" (whatever that means anymore) - I just don't think it would wrong at this point. And Texas? You're gettin' there, too.

Y'know... certain entities in the U.S. media (who, incidentally, are celebrating tonight) like to bray on about how "urban" youth - mostly, but not all, "persons of color" - often go about with a reflexive, deeply-ingrained mistrust of the law, legal-authority and police in general. Well, let me ask you a question: When you demonstrate to people, time and time again, that the law will not protect them... that the law will favor, assume-just and ultimately allow the acquittal of those who would wrong them up to and including murder... what the FUCK do you expect they're opinion of the law to be?

I'm aware that some people are worried about "rioting" over this verdict. Sadly, that's a legitimate concern. Know what's sadder? That while they (or I) might have to fear a riot after this or that few and far-apart court cases, there are many more people who have to fear the presence of gun-toting, race-profiling, vigilante dipshits like George Zimmerman (and the legal system that ignores and abets them) every day of their lives.

Time To Revise Your "Most-Anticipated" List

The Samurai/Cowboy remake dance hasn't been done for awhile, mostly because the U.S. stopped making westerns with any real frequency. But now we've got a new entry: "Yurusarezaru mono" is a remake of Clint Eastwood's "Unforgiven," set during the waning days of the Samurai era with Ken Watanabe in the Eastwood role. The trailer (embedded below) doesn't have English subtitles yet; but if you remember "Unforgiven" it's pretty easy to pick out who is supposed to be who and what's going on. Either way, looks GOOD.

On paper, Fox's desire to hold onto the "X-Men" license no matter how iffy it's boxoffice prospects get makes a certain amount of sense: Owning the "X" franchise gives them first-dibs on their own personal universe of hundreds of characters. In practicality, though, a huge swath of those characters are terrible. Really, really terrible. I'm not even kidding, there's like maybe 20-25 "good" X-Men people. The rest are kind of a horror-show, conceived in that moment when Marvel could stick pretty much any overdesigned dipshit with an unfortunate haircut on a cover with an "X" in it's title and it'd sell.

Case in point: They're apparently going to go ahead and make a film of "X-Force," at one point the most popular thing in the entire Marvel/Mutants cycle, today often regarded as an unofficial "patient-zero" for everything that went wrong in the 90s (mostly because it's where Rob Liefeld made his big breakthrough.) The original team was the "all-grow'd-up" version of The New Mutants - who in turn were a teenage team of characters who didn't quite rate the marquee lineup - organized into a more militarized version of an X-team by Cable, the poster-child for characters whose history is just convoluted enough to distract from how lame he is.

Cable's origin involves time-travel, so one assumes that (unless Fox just plans to stick whichever marketable mutants they haven't used yet in a movie and call it "X-Force") this will tie into Bryan Singer's "X-Men: Days of Future Past" next year.

Sticks And Stones

I have it on good authority that "I Declare War" is awesome. The premise, at least, is head-slappingly brilliant in that "Why didn't I think of that??" way: Film follows a group of kids "playing war" in the woods, and uses editing and FX to show their sticks and balloons turning into the guns and grenades they imagine them to be. I'll be interested to see how it's received, since even though this is all supposed to be imaginary the sight of moppets swinging around automatic weapons has become incendiary in and of itself.

Escape to The Movies: "PACIFIC RIM"

Remember: This weekend is your chance to support original filmmaking at theaters.

("Intermission" is down right now for unknown reasons, will re-post when it re-appears)

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : Pacific Rim

Bank On It

Below, the trailer for "Saving Mr. Banks," the "making of 'Mary Poppins" movie with Tom Hanks as Walt Disney and Emma Thompson as author P.L. Travers. Looks pretty good to me - obviously leaning on a fairly fictionalized version of the story (the real events didn't exactly have a cinematic arc, and neither character would come out particularly likable) but the basic idea of Walt having to realize that this isn't just one more fairytale to monetize vs. Travers possibly coming out of her own shell a bit re: the personal trauma that informed the book (Travers' father was a banker who died young, leaving her and her sisters in the care of their mentally-unwell, suicidal mother.) There doesn't appear to be anyone in the cast playing Madge Burnand, who is believed to have been Travers' partner at the time.

Unless there's a film I'm forgetting, this is the first time Walt Disney as a "real" figure has been the central character of a film, which is sort of incredible given... well, that he's Walt Disney. The Disney company put the money behind the production, but the screenplay wasn't developed in-house, it's a Black List pickup. I assume they'll probably end the film at or around the conclusion of Travers' actual collaborations with the production - Walt slightly cowed by having come up against an underestimated "children's entertainer" as headstrong as himself, Travers headed back to England having experienced some sort of self-purging catharsis - and sidestep the less-than-amicable way they ultimately split: Travers turned up at the L.A. premiere uninvited, accosted Disney at the after-party with demands to get rid of the the animated sequence (she hated cartoons) and was told matter-of-factly that "the ship has sailed;" hence why there were never any sequels even though Walt tried for them.

"Seventh Son" Trailer

"Seventh Son" is apparently an adaptation of yet another YA Fantasy franchise I've never once heard anyone talk about, and looks more-or-less like the rest of them save that halfway through I started getting a strong sense that the "Castlevania" logo was about to pop up.

But whatever. It's got Jeff Bridges as some kind of wizard/paladin/whatever and Julianne Moore as a... witch, I assume? That's enough.

Via Bleeding Cool

Tom Hanks is Walt Disney. Emma Thompson is "Mary Poppins" creator P.L. Travers. The movie is "Saving Mr. Banks," a dramatization of the contemptuous relationship that developed between the two (both notorious egomaniacs known publicly for children's entertainment) during the lengthy process of Disney trying to secure film rights (and then an actual film) to her books.

Stop. Hammer Time.

Here's the first (red-band) trailer for Spike Lee's version of "Oldboy," which does a decent enough job of laying out the basic story while also making sure to pre-warn fans of the Chan Wook-Park film that no, they probably aren't going to bother with that last plot-twist (which wasn't in the Manga both films are based on) ...but that they are apparently going to try and do the hammer fight.

PfffffFFFFFF... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ahem...

...HEH. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HA HA!

Laughter is not technically a comment.

Eerie

On the one hand, this Chinese Johnnie Walker commercial featuring a CGI Bruce Lee (from "Torque" amd "Detention" director Joseph Khan) is creepy in the way that dead people "endorsing" products generally are. On the other hand, if there's any celebrity living or dead for whom it can be argued that their cultural presence as a "mythic figure" has so transcended their actual existence that something like this isn't really that much more "offensive" than Santa Claus selling Coca-Cola... I guess Bruce Lee would be it.

Either way, it can't be denied that the effects used to pull this stuff of, while still not "there," are really close to getting "there." I wonder who the first celebrity will be to "star" in an (otherwise live-action) film as their own years-younger self? It's not that far outside the realm of possibility for a studio to say "Y'know who would've been good in this? Bruce Willis, but like ten years ago Bruce Willis..." and for Bruce Willis (or whoever) to just do the mocap and voice work for that.

Big Picture: "The New Originals"

Let's support new things.

Incidentally, as of recording this I had not yet seen "Pacific Rim." I now have. Review will be up as-scheduled on Friday, but don't wait for my review: It's awesome, go see it.

The Escapist : The Big Picture : The New Originals

Girl On A Bike

via Jezebel

Here's the interesting-looking trailer for "Wadjda," notable for being the first full-length movie ever directed by a woman in Saudi Arabia, currently booked for a U.S. opening later this year. Story concerns a 10 year-old girl, Wadjda, doing anything she can think of (including entering her school's Koran-memorization competition) to cobble together enough money to buy a bicycle. For cultural context: The bike is kind of a big deal because it has only been legal for women to ride bikes in The Kingdom since April - as in, this past April.

Chucky Lives!

Yeah, it'll be fun to see "classic" lets-pretend-this-is-actually-scary Chucky again; but I think I'll end up in the minority that REALLY misses Glen and Tiffany...

The Official Canonizing of Steve Jobs Begins

Y'know, guys? I understand we're all very, very fond of our tablets and phones and such and there's an innate tragic irony to a man of vision dying young... but do we really need to be in a rush to enshrine the legacy of Steve Jobs? I mean, it's not like he was President. Or some kind of great humanitarian (or great villain, for that matter). He didn't CURE something, and "invent" is kind of the wrong word for his (still exceptionally substantial) contribution to the tech field. Given, couldn't we have waited for the distance necessary to get a full picture of the man's life before we churned out the glamorous movie-star biopic version ready for the pedestal?

It's not so much that "Jobs" (with Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs and Josh Gad as Steve Wozniak) looks "bad," but that it looks so depressingly expected - the Legend of Jobs (offbeat hippie visionary revolutionizes home computing, exiled for being too awesome for square colleagues, returns like Gandalf The White and CHANGES THE WORLD, MAN!!!) meticulously maintained by the iCult solidified into a "Social Network" wannabe. This is actually one of TWO Jobs bios we'll be getting, incidentally.

"The Engine is Sacred!"

Were you feeling, perhaps, that the "Earth = Third World, Space-Station = America" border-control/immigration/class-uprising allegory in "Elysium" didn't look quite on the nose enough? Well, here are two trailers for Bong Joon-ho's (of "The Host" and "Mother") upcoming "Snowpiercer," in which an ice age has so blighted the planet that the remainders of human society now exist entirely on a gigantic train that travels constantly on a globe-circling track - the richer you are, the closer you live to the engine and get to run the show, while the progressively-poorer live further and further back into the tail. Chris Evans is guy who leads a rebel-uprising among the poor to storm the engines.

The Weinsteins have U.S. distribution on this one, so you'll probably see it sometime between tomorrow and never.

Escape to The Movies: "The Lone Ranger"

Worse than you've heard.

Intermission looks ahead to Fall.

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : The Lone Ranger

Sharks. Tornado. "Sharknado."

I don't necessarily believe that all things in the world have a purpose - a reason that they come into existence. But, if I did, I would probably conclude that Syfy's purpose has now been served.

One More "Pacific Rim" Trailer

Depressingly (both in content and because I haaaaaaate "tracking numbers" bullshit being part of the film discussion, but such is life) the "story" of "Pacific Rim's" impending release has turned toward suspense because it's tracking numbers (of likely domestic boxoffice) aren't anywhere near what the people who paid $200 Million+ to make it wanted to see (it's currently projected to open behind "Grown-Ups 2.") But I'm still pulling for it and "Elysium" as the champions of original studio genre-movies this year, and this epic new (final?) trailer is a good reminder WHY:

I can't say that I'm shocked by the tracking though - it feels like the massive ad push that Warner Bros. threw behind making sure "Man of Steel" didn't disappoint (which, incidentally, thanks to the studio's own sky-high projects it still somewhat has) sucked all the oxygen out of their schedule. The press for this thing should've been choking the airwaves (especially on the kiddie networks) and overflowing the toy-aisles to the point that every parent of a school-aged child should be sick to death of hearing about it by now; but it still feels like they're only really pitching to an audience that was already sold back when they greenlit it based simply on the name "Guillermo Del Toro." I'm glad Warner Bros. likes seeing guys like me go nuts for their SDCC rollouts, but guys like me were going to see this anyway - your job is to making my mom want to see your robot movie.

The film is still unlikely to "bomb" given the fact that basically none of this Summer's tentpoles other than "Iron Man 3" have had strong legs for the long-haul; "The Lone Ranger" is almost-certainly DOA, "Man of Steel" will be on its way out of the top-ten by then. And it's all-but garaunteed to do extended, long-term, gangbusters business in the now-vital Chinese/Asia market. But "optics" still count, and the spectacle of one of Summer 2013's few non-sequel/reboot/franchise blockbusters opening second (or worse) to Adam Sandler's yearly "my comedian friends have bills to pay" make-work project is a persuasive-looking argument for turning down good original scripts in favor of "what the hell can we make out of 'Knight Rider'??"

In the background of all of this, by the way, are the substories that A.) Warners and "Rim" co-producers Legendary Films are in the midst of a nasty break-up and B.) WB is supposedly devoting the vast majority of it's attention to turning the post-"MoS" DCU movies into another decade-spanning corporate safety-net a'la "Harry Potter." Such is the way of things.

Big Picture: "With Great Power"

...you know the rest.

BTW, did you buy my book? Because you can do that now :)

The Escapist : The Big Picture : With Great Power

BUY MY BOOK

You can now buy you're very own copy (in print or ebook) of "SUPER MARIO BROS 3: BRICK BY BRICK" from Fangamer. So, please, won't you kindly think about doing so?

Escape to The Movies: "White House Down"

Surprisingly awesome.

Intermission has more Superman, because why not?

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : White House Down

Halfway There

So, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act (one of the unfortunate "will THIS get you assholes off my fucking back?" toxic-compromise maneuvers of the Clinton era) in key areas, ruling that the Federal Government is Constitutionally prohibited from denying any federal benefits of marriage to same-sex couples married in states where such marriages are legal.

A big win, to be sure, and another step on the inevitable path to full equal marriage for all. But the court also stopped short of ruling one way or the other on a challenge to California's repeal of the gay marriage ban Proposition 8, finding the issue improperly brought before the court and punting it back to the state. So California gets to keep equal marriage... but for now, other states get to keep banning it. The DOMA provision allowing less-enlightened states to refuse to recognize marriages conducted in states with differing laws is also still in-effect; though that will almost-certainly fall on a separate challenge (for example: a military same-sex family is reassigned to a marriage-ban state sues to avoid losing multiple legal protections) either to this court or by the Justice Department.

This is a big, big step and should be recognized as such; but it's not a slam-dunk. The troubling thing about both this and the shameful gutting of the Voting Rights Act yesterday is that both give heavy credence to the prehistoric notion of "State's Rights" conservatism as envisioned by Bush II appointees John Roberts and Samuel Alito. As I've said elsewhere, "State's Rights" is a nice idea for small, local issues but for big broad-effect stuff has no functional place in a modern society of instant communication and coast-to-coast air travel; and the nonsense we saw go down in the Texas legislature overnight is rather illustrative of that.

So, then, what we have now is a country once again divided between states where all citizens are equal and states where only some are equal; and the last time we were in that place it went pretty bad for all involved and really, really bad for the states/people who were on the wrong side of history. Hopefully it won't come to that - hopefully we've evolved in that regard, too.

Good Company

Wow.

From Texas KXAN Local News (relevant part begins at 2:10)

Wendy Davis: American Hero (UPDATED)

UPDATE II: It is done. Thanks to he courageous efforts of Wendy Davis, her fellows Texas Democrats and a massive throng of supporters acting to shout-down Republicans and run out the clock, the SB5 bill that would have effectively banned abortion in Texas has been killed.

There are two kinds of people in the word: Thinkers and Believers. Tonight, the Thinkers were also the Fighters - and they won. Thanks to them (for now) no woman in Texas can be forced into a life she did not choose because of someone else's beliefs she may not share or subscribe to.

This was a massive victory for progress and for reason, driven by genuine grassroots, bottom-up, digital-age activism and good old fashioned popular-outrage... and it happened in Texas. Not DC. Not New York. Not Boston. Not LA. Not even Oregon. TEXAS. You think your angry Fox News watching uncles were feeling obsolete and panicky before? Now they know they can't even get away with this shit in Texas anymore.

UPDATE I: The live-stream has ended, it is well past midnight in Texas but it is still chaos in the Texas State Legislature - no one is sure exactly what has or has not happened...

Just under two hours before Wendy Davis' filibuster time would've needed to conclude, the Republican legislators mobilized a series of dubiously-relevant parliamentary maneuvers to shut her down - one relating to her need of a back-brace (and of a second person to help apply it) constituted breaking the "remain standing under your own power" rule regarding filibusters in Texas.

During the ensuing debate over this (during which time she remained standing) her fellow Democrats worked to use parliamentary shenanigans of their own to delay the vote past the 12:00am CST deadline. As the clock rolled over to 12:01, however, Republicans had already begun a roll-call as lead-in to a vote; interrupted constantly by deafening cheers and jeers from pro-choice protesters who had assembled in the gallery. As of 1:27am in Texas, NONE of the major U.S. cable news networks has opted to interupt their reruns of the previous evening's editorial programs to cover the story; but at it's height 160,000 people were watching it unfold on internet livestream.

The situation as of right now is thus: The timestamp on the "official" (according to Republicans) vote is AFTER Midnight, meaning that legally it should be invalid. Republicans are (supposedly) claiming that allowable time can be/was extended because of the interruptions from the crowd. Democrats are (apparently) saying that the law does not afford that option - others are offering screenshots claiming that Republicans physically changed the timestamp from illegal to legal - and they will challenge any attempt to enshrine it as such when business officially re-opens.

In other words: This fight is going to continue, and will likely wind up either in the courts, under review of the Justice Department or both. Some serious shit went down here - and it was watched (and make no mistake captured) live on the web by hundreds of thousands. This is going to get ugly, interesting and will likely not be resolved anytime soon.

ORIGINAL POST FOLLOWS:

There are, fundamentally, two kinds of people in the world: Thinkers and Believers.* Thinkers may not have all the solutions, but in the modern world Believers cause almost all of the problems. Today, Thinkers have a heroine in Texas State Senator Wendy Davis.

Background: Right-wing anti-abortion zealots (but I repeat myself) in Texas have used legislative control of the state government (because there's nothing "States Rights!!!!"-absolutist conservatism can't destroy if it puts its mind to it) to push through a draconian bill that will effectively ban reproductive choice in the state. Republicans have an iron grip on the whole of the state's political machinery, and would be able to simply force this thing through save for one thing: A now seven-hour long and counting fillibuster by ONE Senator, Wendy Davis.

By law, so long as she remains standing (without even so much as leaning) and speaking and/or taking questions from fellow Democrat Senators until the end of the day, she can hold up the special legislative session and the bill will not be able to pass at this time. If she succeeds, it will have taken her 13 hours to do so. You can watch the livestream of this even HERE.

Earlier today, the U.S. Supreme Court decided to gut the most important Civil Rights legislation since Abolition because, in their view, enough time had passed that certain historically-problematic States no longer required the extra oversight of the federal government to keep them from pulling regressive bullshit in regards to Civil Rights. That this kind of bill can still happen, with only the arcane notion of a physical endurance test to stop it, should be illustration enough of just how disastrously wrong they were.

*Not that I should need to explain this again, but "Thinkers vs Believers" is not about religion or atheism. It's about an approach to the world - critical thinking, logic, reason, acknowledgment of reality and the primacy of science. There are plenty of Thinkers who are religious, and a great number of Believers who call themselves "atheists."

Big Picture: "Jawsome"

Because you demanded it, "Street Sharks."

On a day when the U.S. Supreme Court has essentially declared that state-level government-enforced racism at polling places is okay again; we could all use some silly cartoons in our lives...

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Jawsome

Is "Jurassic Park 4" Just a Remake of "Jurassic Park?"

I've had a standing-policy about "Jurassic Park 4" for as long as "Jurassic Park 4" has been a possible thing: I will remain nominally positive about the idea of "Jurassic Park 4" up until the (inevitable) point where they decide - for the third fucking time - to waste one of the most potential-laden premises in modern scifi (an excuse for any dinosaur ever to show up anywhere in the world and cause mayhem) by just setting the whole damn thing on the island. Again.

Yes, we all loved the first movie, but why they seem to assume that it was the theme-park location and not the awesome fucking dinosaurs that made it so popular. We've seen the island (no, Part 2 technically being a different island doesn't matter) three times, once was enough, I wanna see a Triceratops stomping around a major city with one or more dudes impaled on his horns, or something similarly awesome.

So, anyway, Joblo thinks they have the basic plot details of the now-in-pre-production JP4; and not only are we back on Isla Nublar again... we're basically back in the first movie again:

According to Joblo's source, the big pitch this time is "what if the first movie had been BIGGER?" Set an unspecified number of years after Part 3, the main setting is supposedly a completed, open and fully-functioning Jurassic Park built on the site of the original. The rides are working, most of the animals have been tamed and it's a huge international tourist destination just like John Hammond had envisioned.

I'll admit: I'm morbidly curious to see this movie (or just read this script) to find out what kind of epic handwave is invoked to justify the idea of anyone re-starting Jurassic Park after everything that's already happened. Interestingly, it seems to borrow at least some basic DNA from John Sayles' infamous JP4 treatment featuring humanoid, weapon-toting dinosaur commandos as heroes: The action apparently involves a new strain of aggressive dinos causing trouble at the park and the use of "tamed" Velociraptors to resist them.

Maybe this is legit, maybe not, but what it does sound like is a disappointing mix of boring and dumb. Okay, fine, I got like 75% of what I've been hoping for out of a "Jurassic Park" sequel from "Dragon Wars;" but I'd still been hoping for more than this...

Escape to The Movies: "Monsters University"

Because nobody gives a shit about "World War Z." Nor should they.

Also, let's talk more about the XBox 180.

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : Monsters University

Unsubbed "Gatchaman" Trailer Hits

Here's a nifty Japanese trailer for the live-action film adaptation of 70s anime staple "Science Ninja Team Gatchaman," which U.S. fans may be more familiar with under the titles of "Battle of The Planets," "G-Force," or "Eagle Riders." Pic opens in Japan in August, no word on a U.S. distributor. New uniforms certainly look nifty, though they do kind of lose the "dressed-as-a-bird" angle. Interestingly, this comes to us from the director of "Grave of The Fireflies" and "Pom-Poko."

SGC 2013: Day Zero

SGC hasn't even officially begun yet, but I've already gotten to meet lot's of great fans and colleagues. This is going to be a good one, I can feel it.

Regarding my book: I can happily announce that copies of "Super Mario Bros. 3: Brick-By-Brick" (available online soon exclusively from Fangamer.net) will be available for purchase at the ScrewAttack booth in the Dealer Room starting tomorrow (note: cash only). Some fans have already purchased copies from me "in the wild," and if you see me around lugging a briefcase or boxes chances are I've got some and I'd be happy to sell you a copy providing I have the cash onhand to make change; so please don't hesitate to ask.

In addition, I will hopefully be able to sell some copies (supply-contingent, obviously) before and after my panels and possibly also during the autograph session, so keep an eye out for that. I'll likely be re-stocking the booth as needed and to the degree that I am able (supplies are limited) so check back and watch my twitter feed (@the_moviebob) in the event of selling-out. The response to this has been overwhelmingly positive, and if it ends up that I simply didn't bring enough with me (again, online sales coming soon to Fangamer.net) well... there are worse problems for an author to have.

Stay tuned for updates, and if you're here for the con I look forward to seeing you later today :)

MovieBob's SGC Schedule

So here's where and when I'm scheduled to be places during SGC2013. I'm planning to always have copies of The Book on me for sale while I'm on the floor, though it also looks like it'll have some space at the ScrewAttack sales booth as well, and I'm looking to do some selling before/after my panels and during autograph sessions if at all possible; so those looking keep a look out.

FRIDAY 6/21:
2:00 PM Game OverThinker Autograph Session (Autograph Area Landmark B&C)
9:30 PM "OverThinking It" Panel with Matthew from GameTheory and others (Main Stage 2 Landmark D)

SATURDAY 6/22:
1:00 PM THE GAME OVERTHINKER RETURNS solo/Q&A panel (Main Stage 2 Landmark D)
7:30 PM Gaming On YouTube panel with GameTheory and others (Panel Room 3 Cumberland K&L)

SUNDAY 6/23:
Nothing officially scheduled, but you never know :)

HOLY SHIT THIS "LEGO" TRAILER!!!

By all rights, a movie based on a line of toys wherein the toys THEMSELVES not only star, but star alongside toy versions of other mass-market branded characters should be THE symbol for the final victory of creeping-corporatism in film.

And yet... "The Lego Movie" looks kind of incredible.

Animation buffs take note: What you're seeing is (apparently) all CGI, but animated in such a way (other than the facial-features) so as to imitate the look of stop-motion made using Lego people. I'm not 100% sure what this technique is called, but I think it's roughly similar to the way the Nicelanders were animated in "Wreck-It Ralph."

Big Picture: "Man of Tomorrow"

Spoilers, ho!

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Man of Tomorrow

"The Wolf of Wall Street" Trailer

Hard to believe, but in a few short months "Awards-Worthy (Studio) Movie Season" will be upon us. One of the incoming expected-biggies is Martin Scorsese's "The Wolf of Wall Street," in which Leonardo DiCaprio continues his quest to shame his peers by winning an Oscar while he still looks about 19 years old.

Pic is another "rise and fall of hard-partying late-90s capitalist douchebags" saga, this time based on the memoirs of Jordan Belfort, who got busted in '98 running athe crooked brokerage firm that also served as the inspiration for "Boiler Room," one of the brighter spots from that strange "Vin Diesel is going to be a serious actor - no, for real" phase the industry was going through at the time.

Anyway, here's a trailer:

The first printing has been completed on my first book, "Super Mario Bros. 3: Brick By Brick." Very exciting.

The book will be available for sale online likely sometime in the coming week (exact date TBD) exclusively through Fangamer.net (there will be an e-book version as well) although I will be bringing a limited number of physical copies to SGC next weekend to be sold in person (and signed, if that be your bag) pretty-much whenever I've got a free moment to do so and also during/after my designated panel/autograph times.

At this time, those are the only two ways to purchase the book currently slated, and unfortunately I am not able to ship/sell copies over the web myself. However, I'm also working on putting together some local sales-events here in the Boston area and will make the dates/locations of those available as I get them. If you happen to BE the proprietor of a Boston area gaming/book/etc establishment and are interested in discussing hosting a selling/signing event please hit me up in the comments below.

Escape to The Movies: "Man of Steel"

And here we go...

Also: What will probably end up being one of the year's best comedies is playing right now.

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : Man of Steel

Fuck Yes, "Elysium" Looks Even More Awesome

There are two Great Hopes for original Hollywood genre-movies this Summer. One is "Pacific Rim" (hey Warner Bros? Now that "Man of Steel" is out can we get a hundred trailers and constant TV-exposure for that?) and the other is Neil Blomkamp's "District 9" follow-up "Elysium;" which now has a full(er) trailer.

Premise: It's the future, and class has stratified to the point that a wealthy few live lives of disease, crime and pollution free bliss on an orbital space-station called Elysium while the working-class toils on an increasingly-blighted Earth below - kept from breaching into Elysium's borders (MESSAGE!!!) by ruthless space-defenses, a robot army and bionically-augmented human soldiers. Matt Damon is a worker bee from Earth who, after being mortally-injured in an industrial accident, gets outfitted with a strength-enhancing mechanical exoskeleton so he can fight his way into Elysium to snatch medical supplies for himself and his fellow-afflicted.

I love how this is shaping up. Blomkamp does the "looks plausible AND looks cool" school of scifi design better than almost anyone (gotta love how Henchman Number One is lugging around a Future Sword in a world crawling with automatic weapons), and the design of the robots and exoskeletons are awesome enough to sell me on this movie without the clever, possibly-incendiary setup - I want to see the guys with the power-suits (cosplayers to your soldering irons!) shoot and punch their way through those kill-bots yesterday.

So They Bothered To Finish The "300" Sequel

"300" is one of them "phenom" movies that was absolutely huge for a moment in time and now feels like kind of a weird "why exactly were we all so hot for this?" footnote, so I'm not sure what kind of audience is waiting for a sequel. But they went and made one anyway, and now it has a trailer.

The actual plot of this one hasn't been widely disseminated (largely because, again, nobody really seems to care) but from what has been said and from what this trailer reveals (new additions include boats and the color blue) it's likely that they're attempting a larger focus than the tightly-contained original; likely focusing both on the battles of Artemesium and Salamis (naval engagements taking place during and after Thermopylae from the first movie) and apparently also the Battle of Marathon.

Rodrigo Santoro is back as Xerxes (the film will also feature extended flashbacks to the God-King's origin story) as are Lena Heady, David Wenham and Andrew Tiernan as Ephialtes. Our principal New Hotness is Eva Green as Queen Artemisia, commander of the Persian-allied naval forces.

CONFIRMED: This Is Captain America's (Shitty) New Uniform

Well. So much for that, then.

It's basically the "Steve Rogers: Super Soldier" outfit from the brief overlap between "Bucky is Cap now" and "Steve is alive again" from a few years ago (which was in tern an in-joke homage to Jack Kirby's Cap-parody "The Fighting American") but with a cowl and shield added. And yes - it's the lack of stripes that does it. It's not like dropping the yellow oval from the Bat-symbol; the stripes (or at the very least a healthy amount of red and white to go with all the blue) are effectively Cap's "trademark," the only thing that keeps him from just looking like a Power Ranger who's missing a bunch of his mask. This is taking Superman's "S" shield away.

These things aren't really "all important" when you get right down to it (as I've said many times before, Batman has never once had a good-looking outfit in live-action and it didn't stop his movies/TV shows from averaging out pretty decently) but it's a bummer all the same. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've seen a character-design from a Marvel Studios project and just completely hated it top-to-bottom, and it stings doubly-much given just how excellent Cap looked in both appearances so far. Doesn't really mean anything regarding "The Winter Soldier's" overall quality, again... but still disappointing (and I bet Phil isn't a fan, either...)

"Hobbit 2" Features Legolas, Smaug, Barrel-Riding

It is going to be so weird if Orlando Bloom and ~~Other Orlando Bloom~~ Luke Evans have any scenes together...

Yes, there are Czech subtitles. It's the first version I found. Welcome to a global economy.

Memo to all would-be humorists: "Calling" that The Barrel Scene would be turned into a big, elaborate action-sequence in this doesn't qualify as especially prescient. Dial back the snark and enjoy your big-ass dragon.

Big Picture: "Superman Revisited"

I don't see "Man of Steel" until later tonight. Stop asking.

Until then, here's Superman.

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Superman Revisited

Bad Lieutenant: Scotland Edition

Below, the trailer for "Filth," featuring James McAvoy as a super-corrupt police detective doing the debauched mutually-destructive sex/drugs/violence thing all over Edinburgh. Looks amazing (I'm told the Irvine Welsh novel it's based on is similarly excellent.)

Escape to The Movies: "The Purge"

Everything sucks.

No, really.

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : The Purge

Cetaceans Are Jerks

You know I'm a big fan of the classic Killer Whale Murder Spree flick "Orca," and you ought to be as well. Now, here's a trailer for "Blackfish," a documentary about Tilikum, whom you may or may not remember as the captive Orca blamed for the killings of three Sea World employees - the most recent of which was the attack/drowning of a trainer that happened in front of spectators. The trailer is cut like a Shocking! Expose! thing about a serial-killer cover-up, and I kind of hope that sort of sleazy/sordid "True Crime Stories" energy informs the film itself.

The Hills Are Alive

That "Lifetime" is allowed to still go around billing itself as "Television For Women" when it's output is almost-exclusively Hallmark treacle, reality TV flotsam and tabloid sleaze is something that someone should really organize a march against. Until then, let's all "enjoy" this trailer for their next big celebrity biopic, "The Anna Nicole Story;" with Agnes Bruckner in the title role and a torch-song version of "Fame" lilting over the soundtrack.

Wow. Do you have any idea how bad a movie has to be to look like it's not going to do "justice" to the life-story of Anna Nicole Smith?

I think my favorite part is her kid standing there crestfallen when he accidentally sees Anna dry-humping a ladyfriend in an elevator. Yeah, I'm sure that was the most horrifying thing that went down in his upbringing. Depressingly, the director on this was Mary Harron; the once-promising helmer of "American Psycho."

Big Picture: "Boy's Own Adventure"

The things we get worked up about...

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Boy's Own Adventure

Origin Story

The clock keeps ticking down to the release of "Man of Steel." I'm not slated to see it until the week it comes out (at least so far,) but it's been shown to the NY/LA junket press and there are supposedly sneaks happening around starting this week. So far, nobody I know or trust has given me a solid reaction one way or another, so... the waiting game continues.

While we wait, Warners has released this 13 minute "making of" piece to the web. Nothing in the way of new footage or plot details, but always interesting all the same. It doesn't do much to change the overall impression I've held since this ball got rolling: Looks really good, will almost-definitely do the job of making Superman "cool" in the eyes of the popular-culture again... but there's this omnipresent "moodiness" hanging over everything they've shown that can't help but make me worried that they somehow still. Managed. To. Not. GET. It.

If nothing else, I'm encouraged by the fact that Christopher Nolan has basically no presence in the piece. Sure, that's probably more of a scheduling thing, but I've maintained all along that he's completely wrong for a Superman project and if his role here really was just laying his "Director of The Dark Knight" blessing on the film and hanging back as a figurehead... fine by me. On the less-encouraging side, everything out of David Goyer's mouth in this makes me physically cringe, and it's his "reimagining" pitch that apparently made Nolan throw his weight behind this in the first place.

Just a pair of observations:

1. Pretty-much every single "new" version of Lois Lane get's talked up as "more proactive" than the previous; which is endlessly amusing if you have even cursory knowledge of the real history of these characters. Lois is the most well-known superhero love-interest, so people tend to imagine her as being the "useless shrieking damsel-in-distress" believed typical of the type - ignoring the idea that "unusually proactive, assertive and independent" has been the default for Lois since the beginning of the comics. Yes, she got captured by bad guys a lot... usually because she was going into dangerous places alone of her own volition rather than waiting for anyone else to nut up and do it.

2. I'm not going to say that working stuff like this out as part of establishing a cohesive design aesthetic is a "bad" approach, BUT... if you really are enough of a miserable party-pooper that the question of why an alien's costume has an "S" on it's chest will be the thing that would negate your enjoyment of a movie, you were never going to enjoy a Superman movie.

Yikes, Bikes!

When the Wall Street Journal - one of America's worst non-mimeographed and/or locally Church-published newspapers - isn't running obnoxious, stiflingly-ignorant clickbait pieces "taking down" film criticism (oh, I'll get to that one, be patient;) it's apparently giving platforms to the shambling, somehow still-animated Old Money ghouls of New York Past. Because someone has to.

One of these frightening yet pathetic creatures, Dorothy Rabinowitz, has taken some time from what one must assume is a strict regimen of draining life-sustaining essence via eye-contact with unlucky errant Central Park dogs to offer a hilariously tone-deaf (in the "do these people HEAR themselves!?") screed against NYC's new Bike Sharing installations.Whatever she was hoping to accomplish here, it's effect on me is sudden desperate hope for a sequel to "Premium Rush" with somebody fun (is Mary Woronov still working?) as an extra-villainous version of this lady.

Snapped and tweeted by LaMovieBuff at a convention in Puerto Rico is a photo that, if I were the head of marketing for Warner Bros, would be purchased and readied to be slapped on every "Man of Steel" puff-piece set to hit Time-Warner's various magazine and news outlets over the next two weeks.

This. This image right here. This is the real, pure, true, good thing underneath all the obscene corporate/commercial bloat surrounding a movie like this (or "Avengers," or "Pacific Rim," or whatever.) And it's also the literalization of my central question regarding "Man of Steel" and WB's still shakily-uncertain DC Universe plans in general: Will they be worthy of the awe this kid is investing in just the poster? And if not, then why are they bothering to make these at all?

I hope I like this movie, but I really hope this kid likes this movie.

Spring Gamers

Is this brilliant? Yes, this is brilliant.

Escape to The Movies: "After Earth"

Pretty damn horrible.

"Intermission" looks at how we got here.

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : After Earth

First Image From The Live-Action "Kiki's Delivery Service"

Courtesy excite (note: site is in Japanese), here's your first publicity-still from the live-action version of "Kiki's Delivery Service;" which evidently is a thing that is happening.

"Machete Kills"

The key to the original "Machete" - for me, at least - was that it was the first instance in a long while of a Robert Rodriguez movie actually being about something beyond the surface-level faux-grindhouse jokefest. I have no idea what Rodriguez politics are and thus no idea how strongly he "really" feels about the U.S. immigration debate; but whether authentic or just part of the winking 70s-exploitation pastiche it was the ferocity with which "Machete" engaged the subject that made it stand out: The wildly-applauding, predominantly Latino audiences at my screening(s) certainly didn't think it was a joke.

So I wonder if "Machete Kills," which Rodriguez may or may not have put together partially by having the castmembers of "Sin City 2" put on different costumes for pickups during their greenscreen shoots, is going to keep that going or let Part 1 be "the political one" and just focus on the spectacle of improbable action-lead Danny Trejo hacking up a succession of stunt-cast cameos and Latin-cinema mainstays.

The first full trailer for the film (it's a Yahoo, sorry) doesn't let much out in the way of story beyond what we already know: Machete is called in for a mission by the U.S. President (Charlie Sheen, here using his real name "Carlos Estevez" for the first time in a film) involving a supervillain played by Mel Gibson; whose scheme may or may not involve a "Moonraker"-style outer space component. Rodriguez has "joked" in the past that the third film "Machete Kills Again" will be a Space Opera, possibly incorporating leftovers from his scuttled John Carter project.

Introducing The BOFCA YouTube Channel

The Boston Online Film Critics Association, of which I am a member, now has their very own YouTube Channel. Bookmark it now, because fun stuff will be incoming.

"Planes"

Here's all you need to know about Disney's "Cars" spinoff, "Planes." Pixar - which had no problem signing it's name to both of the wholly-disposable "Cars" movies, is letting Disney take sole credit for this one.Dane Cook stars as a cropduster who dreams of competing in an airplane race against an elite gathering of broad ethnic stereotypes.

Ma vie en rose

Huh. Well, this will be interesting.

The Hub, which is still looking for an original kids' series that people will watch other than "Friendship is Magic," thinks it's found a winner in an Australian animated series called "Shezow." I hadn't heard of it until the (week old) trailer for it's U.S. premier started making the rounds, but the premise is interesting: The (magical) mantle of a female superhero with decidedly female-gendered accoutremants (sparkly miniskirted costume, Barbie-esque pink car, etc) is accidentally passed to a teenaged boy.

Okay, so it's kind of a single-joke premise parody wise re: male superhero uniforms are considered "unisex" but heroines' are not, but I've seen a lot more made from a lot less. I don't recall ever hearing if anybody freaked out about this in it's native Australia, but as you'll expect the usual gang of idiots is already apoplectic about what they see as another assault on children by The Gay Agenda.

Even without their "help," of course, if the series catches at all that it'll be roped into the debate(s) surrounding LGBTQ children is inevitable; though it's hard for me to get a read on what those communities will/do actually think of this: The premise appears mostly played for laughs, i.e. Shezow is alternately thrilled with his powers but annoyed/embarassed at the form(s) they take (I haven't tracked down an episode, but I'm assuming that, by the law of teen heroes' powers usually being learning-opportunities, the hero has some sort of overcoming-his-own-assumptions-about-girls'-abilities character-arc going on?), and I'm not 100% clear as to whether the transformation (his "By the power of GraySkull!" is "You go girl!") makes him biologically female or just puts the costume/hair/makeup on; but my sense is that any kid-targeted series that - even humorously - says "dressing outside gender-roles is cool/acceptable" has to be a step in the right direction, yes?

Well, we'll see. "Shezow" makes it's U.S. debut Saturday, June 1st.

Big Picture: "Dumping Irony"

"Too much!"

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Dumping Irony

Controversial "Blue" Scores Big At Cannes

And we now have our customary first big Awards Season Frontrunner (for awhile anyway) as the voting concludes at the Cannes Film Festival. The jury - this year headed by none other than Steven Spielberg - awarded the Palm d'Or (top prize) to "Blue Is The Warmest Color" (aka "La vie de Adele Parts 1 &2"); a French romantic drama that was already one of the most buzzed-about and controversial entries in this year's festival.

Based on a French graphic novel (apparently unavailable in the U.S.), the story follows a young woman's (Adele Exarchopoulos) awakening to an intense attraction to another woman in her teens and into early adulthood over the course of a lengthy relationship with said woman (Lea Seydoux,) whose blue-dyed hair is the source of the title. The film runs an impressive 3 hours, the majority of which is simply conversational scenes between the two women and a small supporting cast.

However, the element that had the festival talking early were sex scenes described as "frank" - which is arthouse-movie speak for "actual fucking" - one of which allegedly goes for a full ten unbroken minutes (Cannes audiences are being reported to have applauded the - literal - climax of said scene as though a monument had just exploded in a Roland Emmerich movie.) There are already questions as to whether or not the film will require major editing to be viewable in certain countries, and a skeptical backlash painting the film as being over-praised by lesbian-fetishizing male critics and jurors (the director is a man, Tunisian-born Abdellatif Kechiche.) Meanwhile, it's victory will almost certainly become a talking point in it's native France; which just legalized gay marriage in the face of major opposition from conservative and religious organizations: The nutcase who shot himself in Notre Dame Cathedral last week did so in protest of legalization.

In any case, the film is now slated for an October release in France followed by a year-end rollout in the United States in anticipation of Oscar nominations.

The Hard Stuff

Below, the trailer for this year's movie the "endurance cinephile" in your life (the guy who prides himself on having "made it through" notoriously heavy/violent/controversial works) will be going on about this year: "The Act of Killing." The good news? It indeed looks/sounds kind of amazing.

The premise? In Indonesia, the government that operated the country's notorious Death Squad killings of communists and suspected communists that are said to have numbered at least 1,000,000 is still effectively running the show, and while the vestiges of a modernizing nation are all present the perpetrators of this genocide have gone largely unpunished - rather, many live as lionized national celebrities. In "Act," filmmaker Joshua Oppenheimer documents the life of a (mostly) unrepentant death squad leader named Anwar Congo, now a grandfather, who claims to have personally killed 1,000 men himself.

The hook? Oppenheimer asks (and provides the resources) for Congo and his surviving co-killers to make a movie about their death-squad exploits. Not a documentary or a historical-recreation, mind you, but a narrative version of the events from their point of view. As it turns out, Congo's particular outfit were gangsters specializing in movie-piracy before they were conscripted to help with the slaughter... and they're big movie buffs. So not only does their version feature death squad killings (with them directing the amateur actors playing the victims and killers) recreated by the guys who did them with low-budget special-effects makeup and gore, it also ends up featuring "arty" setpieces, elaborate costumes, fantasy-sequences and (apparently) a musical number.

Yes. A documentary about mass-murderers directing, staging and acting-in a lavish, "visionary" movie about their own mass-murders. Holy. Shit.

Does The "Carrie" Remake Now Have The Stupidest Marketing Campaign Ever?

Pop Quiz, hotshot.

You've got a horror movie to sell. It's a remake of one of the genre's modern-day classics, a film that damn near everyone has either seen or at least is familiar with the plot and iconic moments thereof. One of the small handful of genuine horror (as opposed to "suspense" or "thriller") entries alongside "Exorcist" and "Rosemary's Baby" to be recognized as great, important films even outside their often-disregarded genre. Based on a book by easily the most famous living author of horror or anything else on the planet.

What's more, said book (and original film) are absolutely loaded with button-pushing themes and imagery about evergreen Important Subjects like female sexuality, bullying, child-abuse and religious extremism.Your cast? Headlined by Julianne Moore, one of the most lauded actresses in the business, and superstar child actress Chloe Grace Moritz on the cusp of her "I intend to still be doing this as an adult!" step into the teen stardom maelstrom. Your director? Kimberly Pierce, best known for the critical and awards darling "Boys Don't Cry."

So! Given all that, how would you choose to market this film, which, by all accounts and evidence, is primed to be a serious, perhaps even noteworthy work?

Well, if you answered "Unfunny reference to a tired, ancient Internet Meme," you might have a future working for MGM/ScreenGems, which has unveiled the below-pictured, head-slappingly stupid "motion poster" for the remake of "Carrie."

"Keep Calm And CARRIE On." Because the prom, and because there's a crown on that old British WWII poster that was hanging up next to "The Kiss" on every other college dorm wall a decade ago.

I'd love to know what the logic was in deciding that making your own movie into a joke was the best way to sell this; though I suspect it's something like the resident overpaid Social Media Strategist opining that it would be good for them if Tumblr got on a "Carrie on" viral kick and deciding to start it themselves. Self-meme-ing famously failed to make "Snakes On A Plane" happen at the boxoffice, but at least that was always going to be a throwaway movie. I can't really see deciding that this was the way to go for something that was previously being pitched as a serious film.

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